yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
