but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
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Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
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can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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