Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If I die, sorry about rent.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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