FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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