We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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