Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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