Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The power of my boobs compel you
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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