I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
