Did you just see the Batmobile???
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize