So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
