So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
