I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
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It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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