38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
