i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
