I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
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I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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