Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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