The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
