the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
