angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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