Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
