the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
