The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
