You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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