I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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