dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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