She is in my trunk
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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