toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
