please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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