So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
