Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
