Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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