wakey wakey hands off snakey
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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