I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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