you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
