I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
