who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
wow bdsm is so cute
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
