She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize