even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
