my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
