so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Farmville is her only friend.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
