I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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