My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
birth control should be required to get into college
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
