We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
