Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
