HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
