If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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