if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
