So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
