Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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