Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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