also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
