girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
