I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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