Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
