I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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