yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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