HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just high enough for therapy.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
