You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
