Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
