The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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