The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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