i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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