Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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